Dealing with death: Brave Jade brings cancer into the open!

Jade Goody has brought into the open what happens at the end of life, which I personally think is healthy. The mysteries of the birth room are now open to all so why not at the other end of life?

In the clinic and on the website I am constantly asked about how to comfort someone at the end and when they are seriously ill, particularly if they have lapsed into unconsciousness. There are many theories of what the patient can hear or feel at the end however I think no one is in any doubt that there are differing levels of consciousness and that the sense of touch and smell last long after speech has been lost.

Here is one of my most commonly asked questions, along with my professional advice which I hope will provide some level of comfort and reassurance in such difficult times:-

Question:
My mother is in hospital now and close to the end. She is lapsing in and out of consciousness and I am spending long periods of time with her. I want her to know that I am there and that I care for her and love her even though I am not even sure she can hear me. I try to involve her beloved grandchildren but as teenagers I can see that they are uncomfortable.

Mrs K Rochester

Answer:
Visiting a seriously ill person can be emotionally painful and difficult, particulary if the normal patterns of conversation are impossible. In such a situation you’ll probably feel that you need to communicate on another non-verbal level. The purpose of my following suggestions is to remove the pressure "to chat" and shift the focus of the visit from a passive conversation to a proactive caring interaction. This can make even the most difficult visit relaxing and rewarding for both patient and the visitor.

Brush the hair (or scalp if they have lost their hair) with a natural bristle brush or soft baby’s hair brush. It feels comfortable and stimulates the flow of blood to the scalp to improve circulation to the brain and it can increase consciousness. For women, and often men, the act of brushing their hair is a key part of grooming and critical to their sense of of dignity. Although the reality is that there may be no hair to brush, the ritual can still be enormously therapeutic.

Treat the patient to a footbath. Use warm water and use pebbles, sand or marbles in the bottom. The need to wriggle the toes becomes almost irresistible and can stimulate circulation in the lower limbs, especially useful when mobility is compromised. It can also help with muscle and joint stiffness.

Apply hand cream to the hands and wrists, paying particular attention to the palms of the hands and avoiding joints. Not only is this comforting, but it can also stimulate energy points in the hands. The traditional scent of our Luxury Rose or Lavender Hand Cream may be particularly soothing for more elderly patients.

Look to use aromatherapy products that have a positive effect. For many older people, Orange has a particularly nostalgic scent, reminding them of childhood, so add a few drops of Orange Oil to the bath or a body lotion or put Orange Oil on a sugar lump and add to their talcum powder container.

Lip Balm. Cracked lips can cause both distress and discomfort. A therapeutic balm such as the Potions & Possibilities Lip Relief Balm applied regularly can improve the condition immeasurably.

A manicure is a lovely way to help relax the patient. Trimming and filing the nails (they often overgrow in the hospital environment), massaging cream into the hands and feet are all good ways to make contact and show that you care without the need for verbal communication.

Treat the patient’s itchy skin, often a side-effect of morphine treatment, with gentle natural ingredients. Try our cooling Lavender Spray designed for the body.

Read poetry out loud. Whilst newspapers and magazines can be over-stimulating and can create anxiety, poetry can evoke memories and create a relaxed environment. Try something like AA Milne’s “Now we are Six” for nostalgia or something associated with a favourite hobby, such as gardening, travel or sailing.

A dry mouth is a common side effect of drugs and verbal immobility. A small section of tangerine, gently squeezed so that a few drops of juice enter the mouth, stimulates saliva production and can help ease the condition.

Please email me directly if you would like any further information or have any particular questions that you feel I may be able to help with.

Best Wishes
Julie